the pilots of 20 and 1

Struggling with depression and other mental illnesses takes courage and tenacity. It takes time and focus to understand what is going in my life, for instance. I often need to step back and try to see the bigger picture to get myself out of what I can only see in front of my face. Not the trees, zooey, but the forest. Stan helps me sometimes. Also, there times I see or think something through on a walk. Other times it might be a song or reading

Very good lyrics, literature and poetry usually have one thing in common. They appeal to many people. This appeal is rarely based on the same interpretation of the writing. There is a lot of useless noise which floods the music industry, but sometimes, a rare gem of a singer or band emerges and speaks to me. Enter 21 Pilots.

There’s an infestation in my mind’s imagination
I hope they choke on smoke cause I’m smoking them out the basement
This is not rap, this is not hip-hop
Just another attempt to make the voices stop
Rapping to prove nothing, just writing to say something
‘Cause I wasn’t the only one who wasn’t rushing to say nothing
This doesn’t mean I lost my dream
It’s just right now I got a really crazy mind to clean

On this Good Friday, it seems ironic that I write of the song, “Heavy Dirty Soul.”

Can you save
Can you save my
Can you save my heavy dirty soul?
Can you save
Can you save my
Can you save my heavy dirty soul?
For me, for me, oh

We are preparing to go to my parents’ house for Easter. From an earlier post, “a couple walks into a hooka church,” you may recall our struggle to find a church home these days. My parents are very active in their church. I suspect there will be questions about if we are attending church, as is their practice. I am not looking forward to it. It’s not like they will say we are damned or anything, but the conversations are awkward.  They don’t understand why we are struggling with this issue, as they are not.

Today the Heavy Dirty Soul song came on:

No, I didn’t understand the thing you said
If I didn’t know better, I guess you’re all already dead
Mindless zombies walking around with a limp and a hunch
Saying stuff like, “You only live once”
You got one time to figure it out
One time to twist and one time to shout
One time to think and I say we start now
Sing with me if you know what I’m talking about

I would say all the ‘you only live once’ shit is NOT meaningful. It seems like more of a threat. A sinister foreboding of current bad choices or situations. Can we save our souls? Can others? Sometimes all the hype about living your day if it was your last lands flat.

Don’t think of yourself as a dirty, burden soul which someone else must ‘save’ you from yourself. Remember temporary bad is just that. People and meds can help. So can you. Find the right combo. Look ahead and don’t beat yourself down for the past, or even today.

Hugs,

zooey