the art of mindbending

the life of zooey who happens to be Bipolar 2

a black eye, a horse head and a dead car

maryThere is a scene in, “It’s a Wonderful Life,” where Mary says to George as the pull away from the church for their honeymoon with a shitton of cash. She fans it and says, “I feel like a bootlegger’s wife!” That fan of cash would make most people happy. Fast forward about 10 minutes later, George takes the last two dollars from that fan of money, all that’s left from that wad, and parades it into the safe. It was all that was left after giving out most of it to keep the bank open during a panic.

I feel that way today. We only have a couple of bucks left.  Hey $2, procreate!

We went to a Halloween party Saturday. On our way up, we stopped to look at recliners. My dad has a terrible back with several surgeries under his belt. He is coming to visit soon and wanted to make sure he would be ok. Hey at 81, we accommodate him. Plus, the furniture is around 18 years old and showing it.

eyeBecause we had no time to change before the party, my daughter Lucy put on her costume. She went as a bad ass soccer player. This means, not only did she don her soccer gear, she also created bruises and a black eye with makeup. It was highly convincing.

And in we walk to Nebraska Furniture Mart, black-eyed daughter in tow. Yes, there were a LOT of looks at her. She stared back at them and all of them looked away embarrassed. Sad to say, no one asked her if she was ok. We did explain it to the sales clerk though! While selecting our purchase, I sat in the recliner and looked at dear hubby, my eyebrow raised “So who gets this one if we are watching TV?” Two recliners later, we were off to a bonfire in the country.

horseOriginally, dear hubby was to go as Fat Bastard from Austin Powers, complete with kilt. He couldn’t find any red mutton chops at the last minute. So, due to our shopping stop and his reluctance to wear the skirt at the furniture mart, he opted for his rubber horse head. Score! Free costume! Surprisingly, this was a HUGE hit with pictures and laughter all around. I as a lame fox, but no matter, it was a fun night. Except, the driver’s side car latch broke for the 3rd time. This has been an ongoing issue where I can’t open the door from the outside of the car. I’m either

  • at the mercy of the passenger to open it from the inside,
  • going through the passenger’s seat to open it an walk around to the driver side, or
  • crawling over the car crap to the driver’s side.

None of them great choices. I did it for a year once. Fuck that shit. Dear hubby said he would fix it the next afternoon. Cool. could deal for a day.

The next morning, we were invited to birthday brunch. As we traveled to the brunch place, my door STOPPED fucking closing, people. We drove there alternating me and dear hubby reaching across me to hold door shut. Not safe. Stupid, actually. But there it is.   When we got to the parking lot I slammed the door shut in frustration with my cramping arm.   The muthereffer stayed shut. “No one touch the door!” I announced. Sometimes slamming doors is a good thing.

It was the last straw. Lots of repairs. Sweating through the summer with no AC, trunk latch has been broken for ages. Parts are rusted and failing consistently. Both dear hubby and I were done. Old car, you have been great. 10 years of service for a cheap commuter car is pretty damn good. But now, the auto has been officially shunned and asked to leave our family community.

The searching began in earnest that very day. We had two cars we were looking at already and pulled the trigger at CarMax. After looking and jumping through the paperwork hoops, I drove a new-to-us car off the lot and home at 7 PM.

That was a lot of money in two days. Come our last two dollars, get busy! I want to feel like a bootlegger’s wife again!


P.S. We went from a 2005 Chevy Aveo to a 2013 Ford Escape. I fully expect the Ford to eat the Chevy for breakfast tomorrow. Beep! Beep!


5 comments on “a black eye, a horse head and a dead car

  1. Xandrion
    October 26, 2015

    We now have the trunk space to store a dead body… And a privacy flap to hide it. Yay Costco

    Liked by 1 person

  2. zooey
    October 26, 2015

    Of course this does NOT mean we get dead bodies from Costco…just sayin’


  3. zooey
    October 26, 2015

    well the roasted chickens are, anyway 🙂


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