the life of zooey who happens to be Bipolar 2
In light of Rory’s Terminally Intelligent blog Top 10 Strategies for Reducing Anxiety, I was inspired to look at depression with the same critical and hopefully eye. I hope it helps.
I enjoy reading articles posted on Twitter and Facebook on a variety of tops such as artists, history or top ‘blah’ things. It’s like little newspaper snippets brought right to me. I don’t have to search for my lazy self. What I find appalling are the number of, “If you liked that, you might like this article.” These newsy tidbits are often surrounded by offensive advertisements about the same thing. Belly Fat.
Our obsession with the physical look and feel of our bellies gets fucking old. Come on, you know you’ve seen these and looked down at your midriff. You may have looked down in pride. I look down in shame. The images make me want to grab ahold and do the Tim Allen (Santa Clause) belly shake.
I’ve never been happy with my body. Ever. This is for two reasons. 1) I’ve been told by the media throughout my life that I am not the idea female. 2) Critical assessment: I’ve been told by family members that ‘just a few more pounds to go!” Or, “You’d be such as pretty girl/woman if you would just lose some weight.” To being called bubbles and fatty on the playground.
I don’t remember much about being called smart or funny. I remember this crappy stuff. Such as walking down the street in college where someone randomly yelled out a car window driving by, “One’s fat, the other one’s cute.” My childhood friend, who has never been fat tried to take the fat statement on as her criticism. I shook my head and said, “You know that isn’t true.” Now this was decades ago, but I still remember. Negative comments stick with people. Positive praise is easily forgotten. This is especially true during bouts of depression.
When depressed, I don’t look in the mirror. Mirrors are triggers. I base my sole decrepit value on the fact I’ve always been fat. Nothing can dig me out of these thoughts. Things like Fat People Hate Sub-Reddit (recently banned) was not a place to visit. Ever. The black dog sits down on my carcass and recounts many times in my life where I’ve been ridiculed. I see the belly fat grabbing drawings and before and after pictures and think, what the fuck is wrong with me? I am a worthless human being.
This is what depression can do to a person. It looks at everything negatively and digs it under my skin. When I do come up for air, I can see positive. I can pew-pew negative body image. I can look in the mirror again. Here are my tactics for reverse-thinking this sort of shit. I am currently working on #1, #5 and #8 to punch depression in the gut.
11 ways to counteract depression
You can do it, though. I know you can. For me today? Jelly Belly is a fucking candy. People grabbing fat are there to make me feel guilty and buy something. I don’t want what they are selling. Negative: Belly Fat. Positive: Made it to work on time, Took a shower, Complimented hubby on his awesome cooking skillz.