the art of mindbending

the life of zooey who happens to be Bipolar 2

hot under the collar


Facebook, to its credit, has been a decent way to get back / keep in touch with relatives and friends. This is a good thing. Ok, minus the stalkers, creepers and people who ‘collect’ you as friends, but don’t really want to interact with you in person.

But for fuck’s sake, it is NOT a notification method for a family member who has died.

This has happened twice to my daughter in the last month and a half. T W I C E.

First my ex’s father died. She found out through a Facebook message from her biological mother saying she was sorry to hear it. Did she hear from my ex?? NO. Did he reach out to her at all? NO. Now this is standard procedure for the man, but absolutely no excuse to leave a 16 year old finding this stuff out this way. She was, understandably, upset and hurt that her own father did not tell her, but posted a fucking sympathy post to tell the world about it.  Nice to tell to world, but don’t talk to your daughter on the phone or anything.

It happened again today. Her grandpa Seamus died. Seamus was dear daughter’s biological step grandpa. She actually has 2 more grandpas, my father and my dear hubby’s father, still doing well.  Seamus had been battling liver cancer for along time and finally gave up the ghost. He was a great man. I thought the world of him. As dear daughter said today, “Everybody liked Seamus.” And they did.

ghostsalsaI remember one visit to their place in Iowa. His wife was bubbly and boisterous and filled the room with her presence. Seamus always had a smile on his face, but was quiet most of the time. He brought out a small jar of brownish red paste and said, “Try this, Danny made it to put in his chili. But, don’t take more than a bit on a toothpick. It’s hot.”  The man wasn’t lying. I was so happy I listened to him. That stuff was burn-in-the-lava scorching. It had to be ghost peppers. It surely wasn’t even habaneros as I’ve had those before. He grinned and handed me the sour cream. Loved his sense of humor.

Now how do you think dear daughter found out about Seamus’ passing today? Her biological mother TAGGED HER in a post. Not even a private message. A fucking TAG.  No one has called her today to talk to to her from that side of the family. I guess out of sight/out of mind has turned into …out of site/only on Facebook. I’m I too old fashioned thinking it more appropriate to call someone close about this news?  I think not.

That’s not how you tell immediate family about the passing of someone. Ever, people. Ever.

I hurt for dear daughter. These are the first deaths she’s experienced for close family and her only mode of communication is not a call or even a fucking text. We talk about it at the house, of course, but the deafening silence from that side of her family is just plain wrong. No reason can convince me this is appropriate.

We’ll miss you, Seamus.



3 comments on “hot under the collar

  1. Rory
    September 14, 2015

    When George died, I spent the entire day trying to tell as many people personally as possible. At some point, it hit Facebook, and I couldn’t stay ahead of it. But his family and closest friends got it in person, or over the phone. Totally worth the work. I’m sorry for you and your girl’s loss. Hugs.


  2. zooey
    September 14, 2015

    Hugs and thank you. It’s just sad that people think Facebook is a perfectly fine way to notify.


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This entry was posted on September 13, 2015 by in family, life challenges, Mood and tagged , , .
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