the art of mindbending

the life of zooey who happens to be Bipolar 2

fire, water, wind and rain

This was an early morning. Sometimes my job has me either up at midnight or 2 AM for a deploy. This is much easier than the 5 or even 6 AM start. I am a night owl and can make it way into the night with my second wind. So this early morning had me up and working by 7AM, which means I work from home.

beer1We have a memory foam mattress which is the BEST EVER. But, you just don’t get out of bed the normal way. It takes anywhere from 2-4 preset alarms to get us going. We start early. We have to. I rolled out of bed heaven. I made coffee. I got online. I got on the call right at 7 AM with my sparky, calm voice.

7:30 AM Text “Hey it’s Wednesday, crap!” My boss said, “We have the ‘blah-blah’ meeting to attend in 3 hours and staff right after that.” Yay. No work from home day. Good thing I showered last night (I had put that off for 3.5 days after all). I got dressed, smeared on some painty face goop and drove in. This takes a LOT of energy to do this when the Black Dog
bites at my heals. The cost of keeping my normal outward spitfire self at work while the black dog tags along is expensive. Being outwardly depressed in a corporate setting is really not a choice.

PICT0035-768x1024The air conditioner in my car is busted. Both dear hubby and I had AC go out within a day or two of each other in May. I swear they had a meeting in the garage about it just blew hot hair after that.  We fixed his as dear hubby’s car is younger with less miles for our summer trips. After $1400 to repair, I opted to just suck it up and roll down the windows. This works fine while moving, but stoplights give me a really understanding of ‘burning in hell’.  They are punishing motherfuckers. And, who would have thought trucks and trains were really THAT loud.  

With the day in the office being ‘normal,’ the ride home left me exhausted. I was a scuba diver walking on the ocean floor as I moved through the garage and up the stairs. Often more sleep than usual is one symptom of depression. I had no choice tonight. I napped. My energy sailboat caught a slight breeze. Yay! I was able to make dinner!

It’s been an uphill battle for a few weeks. I am trying not write whining posts, which I know gets old (which is my fucking Bananas__D_by_Paw_BRblack dog again). Bear with me….as I bear with me. The hours I’ve been forced to put in over a launch of a product has left me ragged on the edges. It’s been hard to recoup in this state.

I read a Wil Wheaton, “Tears in the rain.” A recent blog reposted by Terminally Intelligent today on Facebook. I was amused at his Gwen Stefani reference of Bananas which reference the Hollaback Girl song. It made me grin just a little.  I was on IM with my boss over all of Labor day weekend for a project. She said on the third 12+ hour conference call, “I’ll find out and give you a holler back,” to the folks listening.  

I IM’d, “ You a Hollaback Girl?”

She said, “This shit is b-a-n-a-n-a-s.”

Yes, it is.

Don’t forget your second wind,



2 comments on “fire, water, wind and rain

  1. Rory
    September 9, 2015

    Dude. You made me laugh. Then your boss’s IM made me laugh. Love reading your posts, even when depression is dogging your heels (couldn’t resist the pun, sorry). You write from the soul, and it’s beautiful and wonderful. You aren’t whiny. You are winning. Keep it up, and know we love you.


    • zooey
      September 10, 2015

      You are too kind, Rory. Love right back at you.


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