the life of zooey who happens to be Bipolar 2
Hiatus….is over. It’s been quite awhile since I’ve posted anything. For want of time or writer’s block, I cannot say. Probably both.
In that time, sleep has been one of my priorities. Not sleeping all the time, but gradually working towards a normal sleep pattern. Sleep is often a trigger for those in a Bipolar 2 state. For me it is, most definitely. Deny me over 6 hours of sleep a night for more than 3 days, my middle back aches (the initial sign), and the depression monster gives me a BIG hug as it snuggles in. So in order to fight this downward spiral, I work towards over 6 hours, shooting for 7.
This is hard to do for someone surviving on an average of 3 hours night, if I was lucky, for years. Productive, artistically, but not healthy by any means. I am, by nature, a night owl. I find lots to keep me up at night. So, I am forced to put away the phone instead of reading Reddit, logout of my favorite computer game…just turn off the fucking light and settle in, listening to the fan and my breathing to drop into sleep.
Looking back on my entries over the months prior to this post, there is a lot of the depression monster rearing it’s ugly head. Since I am in the mode of ‘standard sleep’, I am not thinking that way…much. What I’ve discovered from this attempt at REM time management is that I am not still not immune from dark thinking. True, most of the time, my mind lives mostly in a world full of the positiveness and hope. Yet, when those sleep deprive moments are upon me, the darkness settles in and the full extremes of BP2 thinking blooms. Thanks to meds, a great hubby, some past behavior therapy changes in thinking strategies, I’ve been able to move past this in 1-3 days as I settle back into the rhythm of life.
Take care. Sleep. Live. Love.
See you again soon.