the art of mindbending

the life of zooey who happens to be Bipolar 2

pill soldier

I hate taking pills, in fact, medicine of any kind. If I have a bad headache, I most often wait most of the day before taking anything for the pain. I often try to go without allergy meds ‘just in case’ I can now stop only to get a migraine.  I hate cough drops and Nyquil. If my stomach is sour or the stress has given me a stomach ache at work, I delay taking something for my tummy. I really would rather not take any pills…ever.

I look at my mom, who takes literally a printed page describing the pills she needs split into three times a day, and inwardly shudder.  Her pill container rallies the size of the book. I look at it with dread.  I wondered, would this be my future? Am I doomed to be tied to pills for the rest of my life?

Now, I have a pattern of refilling meds for the week on Sunday. This Sunday, the black cloud of doom settled on my shoulders as I sat with the various pill containers, filling my dial-a-day pill and nighttime containers. The cocktail now exists, that special combination which levels me out and makes life bearable.  My initiation into pill-land was BP2.  Here I am, stuck on this road.  I was instantly sad and discouraged.

This is a dangerous time for me.   There are two situations where pill-taking is at risk. The first is realizing I am stuck taking pills for the rest of my life now and I don’t want to be in this place. The other risky time is when I am very depressed, when I can talk myself out of needing pills which are, “not really helping,” after all.

I lived a long time without a diagnosis, years with long periods of no sleep or debilitating depression.  Yet,  I have this small nagging voice which remembers those times.  Shebattles that illogical view to take medication.  I use the visual image of keeping the BP2 monster at bay with a sword and shield.  My fighter, girded in mail on the field, slashing, dodging, pushing back the giant beast  Lol I guess my love of MMORPG games helps me more than just as a way to pass time.

soldier on,

zooey

DemonBattle

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2 comments on “pill soldier

  1. Rory
    December 17, 2013

    Hugs. If you ever need an extra sword, bow, or axe, we’ve got it for you. We may be a little cheesy about it, but we are here for you.

    Like

  2. oakstaff
    December 17, 2013

    Sorry. I don’t dabble with anything so mundane as martial weaponry. If you need help, I will accompany you with magics.

    Like

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This entry was posted on December 17, 2013 by in Bipolar 2, Health, Quality of Life and tagged , , , , .
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